The Really, Absolutely True, Story of Bear Whiz Beer
A long time ago in the late 1960's or early 1970's, a comedy group named the Firesign Theatre recorded a 30 second bit, "Bear Whiz Beer", on a comedy album entitled "Everything you know is wrong". At the same time, in a country far, far away -- Kansas and Missouri -- virginal T-shirt guys, and future T-shirt guys, were going to school, trying to avoid the draft, printing T-shirts and trying real hard just to wake up in the morning. There was a very disturbing war going on at the time, and it had the effect of making many of the T-shirt guys sick. It gave them a bunch of good ideas for their T-shirts, though, and they printed a whole lot of them. But the sickness they felt over the war caused them to self-medicate with a popular herbal remedy of the times. But they persevered and they printed T-shirts. They listened to the Firesign Theatre. They listened to the Doors, the Grateful Dead, the Rolling Stones. They listened to Janis Joplin and the Beatles. They listened to all kinds of other shit, too. It was a very hazy time, but they persevered and kept printing T-shirts. They printed a whole lot of T-shirts, but they did it at really cheap prices, mostly because they liked it.
1985 came along. Somehow the T-shirt guys were still around, and there were more of them. T-shirt girls, too!! The T-shirt guys (& girls) started a weekly competition decorating their time cards with fine, original artwork. One T-shirt guy, possibly only recently emerged from the fog of the 60's & 70's, embellished his time card with a truly inspired drawing of a fictional beer label -- Bear Whiz Beer. This was such a fine illustration, the T-shirt guys decided to make themselves some T-shirts. One of these T-shirts found its way to a T-shirt salesman guy. Just for fun, he showed it to some T-shirt buyer guys. The T-shirt buyer guys wanted to buy some. The T-shirt guys thought it would be fun to sell some. None of them recalled the Bear Whiz bit from the late 60's or early 70's on the Firesign Theatre album that they had listened to and consigned to the foggy, distant recesses of their brains so many years ago.
The T-shirt guys printed a whole bunch more T-shirts, including many Bear Whiz T-shirts, and 1988 came along. This was the year that one of the Firesign Theatre guys bought a Bear Whiz T-shirt. He called the other Firesign Theatre guys and asked them, "Didn't we think of that a long time ago?" They unanimously agreed that they had thought of it a long time ago, and called the T-shirt guys to ask them about it. The T-shirt guys responded with a resounding, "Huh? What?" A short period of research followed, and some lawyers made a lot of money. The price of Bear Whiz T-shirts went up, and everyone was happy. Until 1995. The T-shirt guys and the Firesign guys had agreed to terms through August of 1995. The T-shirt guys' advisers told them that ten years was the longest they could expect from one goofy T-shirt idea, and that the time was right to give it up. "You got 10 years and 42 T-shirt designs out of it -- enough is enough!" The T-shirt guys were getting kind of old and senile, and they weren't all that smart in the first place. Maybe the ink fumes finally got to them. Anyway, they gave it up.
The Firesign guys kind of liked the T-shirts, but what were they gonna do? They were Firesign Theatre guys -- not T-shirt guys. And they thought a new agreement was in order.
1996 and 1997 happened. The T-shirt guys kept printing bunches of T-shirts, but none of them were Bear Whiz T-shirts. The T-shirt guys' customers who used to buy Bear Whiz Beer T-shirts from them fell into a great sadness. Then they got pissed! Some of them even gave the T-shirt guys' 800 number to every customer who came into their store and asked for a Bear Whiz T-shirt. Many unhappy and disappointed customers vocalized their dissatisfaction with the T-shirt guys' unpopular decision.
In January of 1998, the T-shirt guys and the Firesign Theatre guys got together again and worked out an agreement through January of 2003. Here is the initial offering. He's back and he's pissed!
The T-shirt guys Eagle Products, Inc.
1824 McGee St
Kansas City MO 64108
800-821-2615
California and other Western countries